The Envelope

The Envelope

The walk to the mailbox on that Saturday afternoon was intended as a quick break...the past week had been full of demands...this day was no different...a quick walk outside was just the answer.

Her father was recovering surgery...this was the 8th day home after a 4 day hospital stay...and the transition had not been easy...meeting his needs with meals, meds, physicial therapists, exercises as well as attempting to return to a full time work schedule, keeping the house in order and being a wife.  Every minute of every hour was in demand leaving little time to consider much of anything...

The week before her father's surgery, the routine 50+ screening tests had been completed.  The colonoscopy and mammagram were both scheduled on the same day.  Within in a few days, the envelope came in the mail.  It was a business size envelope.  Long, narrow and very light.  The logo of the medical group was printed in the top left corner.  Her name was printed in the address section.  There was no hesitation in opening the envelope, anticipating a bill for services rendered.  Eyes quickly scanned the letter.  It was not a bill.  The doctor was reporting the findings from the colonoscopy...overall a good report.  A sigh of relief.   With her father's surgery scheduled for Monday, it was good to have the confirmation that all was well and one less thing to have to think about.

The surgery took place on Monday, followed by three days at the hospital...Thursday was the big day...her father would come home.  He was greatly relieved to walk into his own house, supporting his weight with a walker, a device completely foreign to him until the hospital staff made it a part of his life...at least until his strength returned and the new knee was supporting his weight.  Many things had changed.  This independent man now depended on his daughter and son-in-law to help him with a new routine and schedule...and finding very few things that he could do on his own without a struggle...and the confusion from the medications left him with a look on his face that shouted doubt that this procedure would ever bring him the freedom he anticipated.  It seemed that everything had changed.  Very difficult to focus on the possibilities of doing the things you love when the reality is a knee that hurts and is keeping you from simply moving.

His first night home was full of challenges...Friday morning brought a quietness...as her father slept...she struggled to get in front of the computer...seeking the comfort of a normal routine or in the very least, to get started with work which was proving to be difficult in the face of helping her father with every task that he was unable to do on his own...meals and meds needed to be restablished...the home health care nurse and physical therapist were both scheduled to come today...the questions and answers...more exercises...more questions...and the questioning look in his eyes spoke that this was not making sense to him...he just wanted to walk and do it all himself.  The phone call was completely unexpected.  It came in the midst of all the other non-routine things that were becoming a part of this day...the young, cheerful voice announcing that the radiologist needed her to come back for more xrays.  "No need to panic" she said, "he just needs to get a closer look at something he sees on the xray."   No need to panic?  The appointment is set for the next Tuesday, three days away.  Panic is probably not the best word to describe the emotion that rises up in response to a call like this...it is just another xray...he needs a closer look....and then the question forms..."look at what?"  The fear registers in her husbands eyes as she shares the news with him...but he quietly claims that it is nothing...and prays.  Nothing more is said and there is too much to do focus on the emotions that are battling...and many prayer walks around the yard are required to keep the emotions under control.

Tuesday comes.  The day of the appointment.  Her husband remains home to take care of her father  who receives only a quick explanation that she needed to be away for a few hours was offered. She makes the trip alone.  No one knows what is taking place, except for three prayer partners...who were told only for the powerful support they would offer in the spirit realm.  The appointment.  The spot compression mammagram is the next step....or just an xray from a different angle...would better describe it....it was the same as a mammagam...in terms of position and discomfort...mildly manageable.  The first xray was taken...and the "routine" wait in the dressing room was repeated. However, instead of receiving the word to get dressed and leave, the invitation to come back in for another xray was issued...then, the wait ....then, come back in for another xray...then, the wait...and then, one more.  This time, the "all clear" was issued to get dressed and leave.  There isn't much time to process the thoughts that are going through her head however she finds herself thinking that is sure seems odd that he is taking so many pictures of nothing.  That was her prayer...that whatever he thought he saw the first time, would simply not be there....a believing prayer...prayed with faith.  Yet, even in the face of great faith, the questions begin to rise up....the doubt creeps in...that sure seemed like alot of xrays to look at nothing...

The next day, a hopeful call was place to the doctor's office.  The nurse, who probably answered this question at least a dozen times a day, factually shared that they would call once the reports were completed and received, not before the first of the week.  A long wait was ahead....a very long wait....faith....that there would be nothing found....doubts that something would be found were beginning to consume her thoughts.

Collecting herself in a quiet moment, she heard the whisper to her spirit "Do you trust me?"  The honest answer came, "Yes, but...."  Staying focused on the positive and thinking on the heavenly things became a challenge of the will...the flesh would want to question, doubt, say "what if" find websites with information about breast cancer and options....searching for answers in what others had experienced...setting aside those thoughts to focus on believing in the good report...the continued whisper that brought comfort "Do you trust me?"  After one of many prayer walks during that week of waiting, a understanding began to form...not a focus on the uncertainty of the test or the results....but a closeness to God, who drew so close in those walks...and a divine assurance of HIS GOODNESS...no matter what the results of the test might be.  The next time the question "Do you trust me?" came in response to the moments of weakness, the answer that rose up from her spirit became a "Yes" and that peace that passes all understanding prevailed...a yes that said no matter what the outcome...you are my God and you are Good.  She realized, in a most profound way, that God's love and strength are not defined by a phone call or words on a piece of paper.

Even though the peace of God was prevailing as the comfort of His presence surrounded her, an edginess was beginning to show itself on Friday.  She had all the phones close by, attempting to work but finding it difficult to focus. The memory that it was last Friday that the call came....perhaps today they would call with the results....fighting the urge to call...clinging to hope....waiting.  The phone rang many times that day...but there was no call from the doctor's office with the results.   The weekend would bring more waiting.

Saturday should feel like a day off...but this day was just as busy as any other.  Her father was beginning to feel better but the routine of the exercises, meals, medications, laundry, and cleaning kept hands and mind engaged...these were days that demanded all that she had to offer...the walk outside was for just a few moments, to be refreshed in HIS spirit...finding peace in the freedom of the open air...nature breathes God's presence...the walk to the mailbox was a opportunity to be outside for just a few moments....

She opened the mailbox to find a  bundle of items, secured in a rubber band.  Magazines and sale flyers concealed the long, narrow white envelope.  As she walked up the driveway, loosening the bundle and glancing through the contents, her eyes fastened on the envelope.  It as a legal size envelope.  Long, narrow, and very light. Her name was typed in all capital letters, with the address printed underneath, in smaller font.  The logo of the medical center was clearly printed in the upper left hand side.  It looked just like the one she received 2 weeks ago.  A momentary wave of recognition brought a flash of fear...they didn't call...surely they would not send a letter to tell her...the envelope was now on top of all the other items...she looked at it as she walked towards the back of the house...pausing to open the envelope....

The envelope contained a letter from the radiologist.  Neatly typed with several paragraphs...the words all seemed to be a jumble of black on white....she walked around the pool reading the words one more time....and with a gaze upward...she gives thanks.

The envelope contained the report of the mammogram.  The envelope contained good news.   But the best news, the news in the envelope was not nearly as important as the knowledge that God's goodness is not determined by the results contained in the envelope.   This was a lesson that she would never forget:  in the face of fear finding a new revelation about God, He is Good!

Every single day, there are women who are waiting for the results of a mammogram or some other tests.  The envelope is in a mailbox somewhere right now.  For some, God's goodness will be measured by the words on the paper in the envelope.  But, the words on the paper in the envelope are not the revelation of the character of God or a reflection of Him.  The envelope will bring a report of the results of a test...and GOD will be GOD no matter what it says...HE says that I AM...healer, provider, redeemer, salvation, strong tower, comforter, helper....praise HIM for WHO HE IS...thanking HIM for the report that will take you on the next step of the journey closer to HIM...and say "Yes, I trust YOU, Lord."


"Praise the Lord! Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for HE is good!  For His mercy endures forever."  Psalm 106:1


"Oh Lord my God, I cried out to YOU, and YOU healed me."  Psalm 30:2


"And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For YOU, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You."  Psalm 9:10

This is National Breast Cancer Awareness month.....self exams, clinical exams and mammograms are part of a screening process recommended for the early detection of breast cancer.  THE ENVELOPE will contain results...but only if you schedule your exam....do it for yourself and for those who love you...and be ever reminded that God is Good and HE LOVES YOU and will never forsake you.

For more information about National Breast Cancer Awareness Month:  Click here http://www.nbcam.org/